Age Discrimination and Alphabet Bar Update

Firstly, Happy Veterans Day to the veterans out there, including my dad!

Secondly, I joined Match.com again, even though I swore I would never throw my money its way again. I was sucked in because I received a message about a week ago; I eventually broke down because I wanted to read the message.

It was a one-word message.

Yes, one word. Sadly, this is not the first one-word message I’ve received. Unless you’re Tarzan, you should have the decency to write a complete sentence.

Age and height discrimination is alive and well on Match. Almost all of the men I viewed were either looking for someone younger or taller than I am. I’m just incredulous. Even men my own age are not stooping to date someone who is the same age. Obviously these type of men are not worth my time, but it’s still shocking.

I hadn’t noticed the height discrimination before. Most of the men I viewed were looking for a woman 5’2″ or taller. Why not round down to 5’0″? Does a measly two inches really make a difference?? (I’m 5’1″.)

I cursed and grumbled as I blocked all of these men. Am I too easily offended? Single folks, would you contact these persnickety guys even if your age/physical requirements didn’t match what they were looking for?

Lastly, the alphabet bar update. Mary and I went to The Abbey, which is in our neighborhood. It’s dark and small and cozy = my favorite type of bar. Pumpkin beer was still on the menu, so I had a Cambridge Brewing Great Pumpkin Ale. SO good.

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I’m 1/3 of the way through the list now…many more bars to come!

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The Hellfire That Is “Romantic Jail”

 

I’ve been online dating off and on for about eight years now. I came across this article by Katie Heaney the other day and found it terribly funny and terribly depressing. I’d like to add a 7th category of message, under which most of the messages I receive fall. I would call it something like “Least Amount of Effort Possible” or “I Didn’t Even Glance at Your Profile for a Millisecond” or “Your Cat Could Write a Longer Message.” The majority of the messages that I receive are one sentence long. And they usually read “Hi, how are you?” or “How is your weekend going?” The prize for minimal effort goes to the guy who sent just one word, “cute.”

Online daters, what is the worst/funniest message that you’ve received?

My usual expression while surfing match.com (Courtesy of starttravelinglight.com)
My usual expression while surfing match.com
(Courtesy of starttravelinglight.com)

 

“Tangling Our Minds and Hearts Together”

 

Rolling Stone started mysteriously appearing in my mailbox a few months ago. As did Redbook. I didn’t order either of them, so I don’t know why they are being sent…

I subscribed to Rolling Stone in my twenties, when I was more into music. When my favorite bands were in their heyday. Reading it now, I’m finding that I’ve never heard of half the bands being featured. So this is what being middle-aged means…

Lou Reed died last month, and his wife, Laurie Anderson, wrote a beautiful piece about their relationship. Read it; you’ll be glad you did. Theirs is the kind of relationship I hope to have someday.

Divorced Dads

Math is not my strong suit, but I would guess that at least 40% of the men in my online dating pool are divorced dads (and another 40% want children…).

Once in a while, I hear the distant echo of friends and family saying “Be more open-minded about dating men with children.” So I half-heartedly try to persuade myself to try dating a divorced dad. “Just try it,” I say to myself. And my self replies, “No, you are happily childfree. You don’t even want your own children, so why would you want to deal with someone else’s?”

Not to mention an ex-wife, ex-in-laws, etc.

I readily admit that my baggage monogrammed with the letters ACOD (adult child of divorce) plays into my hesitation as well. Parental divorce sucked at 24; it would be hard to watch a toddler or teenager go through it. And I would find it nearly impossible for the dad to win in my book: if he didn’t see his kid very often, I would think of him as a deadbeat. But if he saw his kid a lot, I would feel like second fiddle. And who wants to feel like second fiddle?

I don’t think that a woman who is open to having her own children would feel the same way about it. Maybe a woman with happily married parents would feel different as well.

I know that some people say that it’s better for children if their unhappy parents divorce. Maybe it’s better in some ways (especially if abuse is involved, of course). But I wonder how the current and recent generations are being affected by the high divorce rate. Is the divorce rate destined to keep climbing?

Continuing in the childfree vein, I just came across this great essay written by a single, childfree artist a few years ago. He talks about a phenomenon that hits middle-aged folks, which I can definitely relate to.

And my friend Anya, who writes a great blog about childfree life and dating, invited me to guest post recently. I wrote down my top ten reasons for being childfree. Check it out.

How Low Can We Go

 

Happy International Women’s Day to all of the women out there.

So, I know you have been waiting for my Match.com experiment results. I just did a quick and dirty test. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, I have found that being childfree is not helping my online dating search. Behold:

When I search for men ages 33 to 44, within 10 miles of my house, with NO filters, I have “2000+” men to choose from. Mind boggling!

When I search for men ages 33 to 44, within 10 miles of my house, who don’t already have kids, I still have “2000+” men to choose from. Sweet.

When I search same age range and location, and add the filter “not sure about having kids,” I have 365 men to choose from. Ouch. Still an OK number, though.

When I search same age range and location, and add the filter “probably don’t want or do not want to have kids,” I have 58 men to choose from. Um, how much am I paying per month for Match.com??

At this point, I really want to know exactly how LOW can we go here. Bring on the filters!

When I search same age range and location, keep the filter “probably don’t want or do not want to have kids,” and add that I’d like my date’s political views to range from non-conformist to middle of the road, I have 50 men to choose from. I bet I can go even lower!!

When I use all the same filters, but take out “middle of the road” political views, leaving non-conformist to liberal, I have 31 men to choose from. Can she get any lower, folks?

When I use all the same filters, and add that I’d like my date to have at least a bachelor’s degree…

21 men to choose from! 2000+ to 21, my friends.

And that concludes our experiment on the number of men interested in being childfree in Boston.