Age Discrimination and Alphabet Bar Update

Firstly, Happy Veterans Day to the veterans out there, including my dad!

Secondly, I joined Match.com again, even though I swore I would never throw my money its way again. I was sucked in because I received a message about a week ago; I eventually broke down because I wanted to read the message.

It was a one-word message.

Yes, one word. Sadly, this is not the first one-word message I’ve received. Unless you’re Tarzan, you should have the decency to write a complete sentence.

Age and height discrimination is alive and well on Match. Almost all of the men I viewed were either looking for someone younger or taller than I am. I’m just incredulous. Even men my own age are not stooping to date someone who is the same age. Obviously these type of men are not worth my time, but it’s still shocking.

I hadn’t noticed the height discrimination before. Most of the men I viewed were looking for a woman 5’2″ or taller. Why not round down to 5’0″? Does a measly two inches really make a difference?? (I’m 5’1″.)

I cursed and grumbled as I blocked all of these men. Am I too easily offended? Single folks, would you contact these persnickety guys even if your age/physical requirements didn’t match what they were looking for?

Lastly, the alphabet bar update. Mary and I went to The Abbey, which is in our neighborhood. It’s dark and small and cozy = my favorite type of bar. Pumpkin beer was still on the menu, so I had a Cambridge Brewing Great Pumpkin Ale. SO good.

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I’m 1/3 of the way through the list now…many more bars to come!

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The Hellfire That Is “Romantic Jail”

 

I’ve been online dating off and on for about eight years now. I came across this article by Katie Heaney the other day and found it terribly funny and terribly depressing. I’d like to add a 7th category of message, under which most of the messages I receive fall. I would call it something like “Least Amount of Effort Possible” or “I Didn’t Even Glance at Your Profile for a Millisecond” or “Your Cat Could Write a Longer Message.” The majority of the messages that I receive are one sentence long. And they usually read “Hi, how are you?” or “How is your weekend going?” The prize for minimal effort goes to the guy who sent just one word, “cute.”

Online daters, what is the worst/funniest message that you’ve received?

My usual expression while surfing match.com (Courtesy of starttravelinglight.com)

My usual expression while surfing match.com
(Courtesy of starttravelinglight.com)

 

Divorced Dads

Math is not my strong suit, but I would guess that at least 40% of the men in my online dating pool are divorced dads (and another 40% want children…).

Once in a while, I hear the distant echo of friends and family saying “Be more open-minded about dating men with children.” So I half-heartedly try to persuade myself to try dating a divorced dad. “Just try it,” I say to myself. And my self replies, “No, you are happily childfree. You don’t even want your own children, so why would you want to deal with someone else’s?”

Not to mention an ex-wife, ex-in-laws, etc.

I readily admit that my baggage monogrammed with the letters ACOD (adult child of divorce) plays into my hesitation as well. Parental divorce sucked at 24; it would be hard to watch a toddler or teenager go through it. And I would find it nearly impossible for the dad to win in my book: if he didn’t see his kid very often, I would think of him as a deadbeat. But if he saw his kid a lot, I would feel like second fiddle. And who wants to feel like second fiddle?

I don’t think that a woman who is open to having her own children would feel the same way about it. Maybe a woman with happily married parents would feel different as well.

I know that some people say that it’s better for children if their unhappy parents divorce. Maybe it’s better in some ways (especially if abuse is involved, of course). But I wonder how the current and recent generations are being affected by the high divorce rate. Is the divorce rate destined to keep climbing?

Continuing in the childfree vein, I just came across this great essay written by a single, childfree artist a few years ago. He talks about a phenomenon that hits middle-aged folks, which I can definitely relate to.

And my friend Anya, who writes a great blog about childfree life and dating, invited me to guest post recently. I wrote down my top ten reasons for being childfree. Check it out.

Black Tuesday, or, International Quirkyalone Day

 

Black Tuesday is around the corner. In college, I would wear all black on Valentine’s Day. There’s a teeny weeny part of me that would like to uphold that tradition.

But, no! On Tuesday, I will be celebrating International Quirkyalone Day instead. Because I have always “preferred being single to dating for the sake of dating.”

I’ll buy myself a flower and spend some time with other single friends.

Here are 10 things that the founder of Quirkyalone, Sasha Cagen, suggests that people do to celebrate IQD:

1. Explore a new part of town—be a tourist in your own city.
2. Get a massage.
3. Buy yourself new underwear.
4. Rearrange your furniture.
5. Be creative, doing whatever it is you like to do (write, paint, sew, upholster furniture, surf, make art of out dryer lint).
6. Be creative with friends. Have an arts and crafts party or cook a meal together.
7. Buy yourself or a friend a bunch of daisies. Daisies are the official flower of the quirkyalone movement.
9. Volunteer for a cause you believe in.
9. Get cozy in bed with a book. Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics would of course be a good choice.
10. Come to or host a quirkyalone party!

Krishnamurti

“There is great happiness in not wanting, in not being something, in not going somewhere.”

—J. Krishnamurti

So, about this blog. It has no defined purpose at the moment. I don’t know what it is about, or where it will go. It will most likely start out as a hodge podge of thoughts, and may remain that way! I would like to attempt to chronicle the journey that this year’s “birthday list” takes me on.

For those of you who don’t know about the “birthday list” phenomenon, I shall explain. I was slightly traumatized about turning 30 and being broke, single, and not being on anything remotely resembling a career path. (Ask me how I feel about being in the same situation at 34!!)

So in order to distract myself from the impending doomsday, I decided to do 30 things I had never done…in the 60 days leading up to my date of birth. Quite ambitious, no? Needless to say, subsequent birthdays have not been much easier to handle. Therefore, I have continued on with the birthday list phenomenon. This year, I embark on my sixth birthday list journey.

The 60-day deadline proved to be stressful, so the following year, I changed it to 90 days…and somehow it morphed into a 365-day thing last year. This year, I think I am going to start now, and that will give me four months to complete 35 things. We’ll see how that goes.

Over the years, some “traditions” have formed. Each list includes visiting a place I have never been for my birthday (I’m always careful to leave on the trip BEFORE my actual birthdate, so it’s legit). I try a food or drink I have never tried. I read books and watch movies I have never read or watched. I explore parts of Boston that I have never stumbled upon. Sometimes I do cheat, and if I randomly happen to do something really cool, it goes on the list!

This annual undertaking has been quite effective in distracting me from thinking about my aging process, and I highly recommend the practice.

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40 things to do on the birthday list!

BirthdayJune 1st, 2015

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