Tuesday night, I saw Cameron Crowe’s Pearl Jam documentary. It was awesome. Lots of rare footage, interesting interviews, sweet concert footage. As I watched a clip of concert footage in the middle of the doc, I thought to myself, I can’t wait until R.E.M. announces their next tour. For those who don’t know me, R.E.M. is my favorite band.

Yesterday afternoon, there was a lull at the office. I went to boston.com to peruse the news. I saw the headline “Everybody hurts as R.E.M. calls it quits.”

Huh?

I read the brief story. The band decided to “call it a day.”

No.

I went to R.E.M.’s website and read their message.

It can’t be.

I pictured my 16-year-old self lying on the lime green carpet in my bedroom, ear next to the stereo speaker, listening intently to Out of Time. Over and over again. I believe I still have that cassette tape somewhere.

I teared up as I realized that I would never attend another R.E.M. concert. I thought back to my last one, which was in June 2008. Bronwyn and I saw them at Jones Beach on Long Island. There was a storm and lightning hit the stage. Everyone was completely soaked. It was crazy. But amazing.

I wish I could remember my first one. It was sometime during the Monster tour in ’95. The one in Buffalo? I must have a special R.E.M. section in a photo album, because the first R.E.M. ticket stub I have in my ticket stub book is from 1999. I haven’t unpacked my photo albums since I moved two years ago. Now might be the time.

I’ve been listening to R.E.M. nonstop since I heard the news. Am still processing the emotions.

Thank you for everything Mike, Michael, Peter, and Bill.